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Kentish Sue
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 6:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I hope you enjoy this one:

Sam and I met up at the riverbank the next day as arranged – Wills and Lucy wandered off to give us some time and space together.

Wotcher Harry said Sam – this is amazing meeting up with you. You know Sam I thought with you being Polish you would have a Eastern European Polish accent – yer but I was born and bred here Harry and spent I year in the Midlands and then the rest of my time in Kentish Land – they don’t really have a decent accent down there.
Now enough about me - Does mum still hoard stuff? – Oh yes – she even still has your insulin in the fridge!!!!!!!!!! – but its been 9 years – why the hell is it still there? Sentimental reasons I guess – your last syringe was in there too for ages but visitors kept getting the wrong idea so dad quietly disposed of it. What about her cooking – don’t even go there................enter the kitchen at your peril .................errr driving – it’s still as bad as ever – spacial awareness is nil, roundabouts with more than one lane frighten her rigid – she just shuts her eyes and goes for it. When we come back from Maidstone that huge one she has to negotiate – we end up coming home a different way every time – sometimes Rochester, occasionally the Asda turnoff - one time we were headed for the coast via Canterbury but the correct exit over the M2 Bridge– never!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness – we will have to keep comparing notes cos I am sure there are loads more we can talk about.........now how about a beer or two in the beer tent – oh yes I said – seems like a good plan – so off we sauntered.

Wurzel later took me over to meet Finn – he tends to hang out in the “Thespians Quarter” living off his fame of brilliant acting and his many many appearances in Annie. We found him reclining on a chaise lounge wearing a smoking jacket and a bright velvet dressing gown – smoking a cigar...............well helloooooooooo he said all Leslie Phillips – who have you here? - this is Harry, Finn – he wanted to meet you..........my boooooooooooooooooy he said beckoning me over and offering his paw – not limp wristed I would like to point out. I am very pleased to meet you – this however must be a short visit as I need my siesta ahead of my Annie performance tonight – but you must come back another time. What a lovely beardie he is I said once we were outside – he is – said Wurzel and we will come back – he is a fascinating dog – with a lot of tales to tell. Can I ask though – what’s with the skull on his table?..............aha that is when Finn comes over all Shakespearian – he marches up and down with the skull, on his back legs, paw across his forehead quoting “Alas Poor Yorick I Knew Him........................its a high-brow actor sort of thing – he is very good and we indulge him – oh ok I said – note to self – improve my education!!!!!!!!!!!!

With that we took our bye your leaves and arranged to meet up at our next big adventure...............................which follows now.

The Race Is On:


We decided much to everyone’s dismay to have a race – having found a nice racetrack just right for the event – we set about choosing our vehicles. I was going to have a replica of my mums Peugeot 206cc convertible. Sam was going to have Hannah’s which was the same but silver and two years older, Wurzel was going to have his beloved Quad, Wills was going to race in a fancy all singing, dancing Motorhome (nutter)and Sadie, god help her managed to get hold of Lewis Hamilton’s racing car that he drove to victory in the F1 World Championship in 2014 .................................flash cow but how was I not surprised. We advertised the event early and on the day the place was packed................mainly with dogs but the Hippos dragged themselves out the mud, and the Meerkats turned up for a good look. Some Racing Pigeons from oop North promised to fly above us in the first lap and try not to shit upon us. In order to keep the cars as light as possible we dumped all unnecessary gear out of them – I emptied mums of a Fibre Optic Christmas Tree from the boot (regular readers will know why it was still in there 3 years down the line), a fold up chair from the Strawberry Tea in July, a new, still in its packet duvet from Matalans, from the back seats I emptied 15 full bags of newspapers still waiting to go to the recycling, a dog cover for the back seat, some shopping long forgotten, at least a hundred carrier bags, a couple of fleeces, some walking boots, from the doors and glovebox I emptied out a load of CD’s all of dubious musical content, a good dozen free in The Mail on Sunday CD’s and from the CD player The Pet Shop Boys Greatest Hits!!!!!!!!!!!! Sam emptied Hannah’s boot out of half a ton of make up and hair products, hair straighteners, clothes, boots, shoes and handbags. From the back seat a box of nail varnishes, false nails, glue and for some reason false eyebrows, Next Catalogues going back many seasons, half eaten food and bottles of Natural Spring Water. The glove compartment was stripped of its CDs each one more awful than the one before. Wurzel’s Quad was back to its normal self as he –much to the Rictus Twins disgust – had removed all the bling and stickers but fitted a pair of Colonel Bogie Horns for sound effects. We could do nothing with the motorhome as its arrived too late and came complete with all its heavy paraphernalia that counts as going basic glamping these days – ie stuff in there better than you had at home. Lucy/Loaf was going to accompany Wills – and Lucy promised to do onboard catering as they had all the equipment set up and would feed us all as best she could as we all went round. She loaded the van up with bread, sarnie fillings, cakes, veggie bacon n eggs, and vegan Sossigies – she had no health and safety cooking certificates but at that point none of us gave a tinkers cuss. Sadie rolled up in the racing car complete with telemetry stuff, an onside track van was parked up to record just about everything, she had a full team of dogs to do this and was most miffed – she threw a right old strop, swore in Welsh, English, Scottish and Irish and I think Serbo-Croat - when told that none of it was allowed.......... We could have as many pit stops as we liked, try not to run over anyone manning them for fuel and tyre changes, try not to leave the pits while the jack was still attached to the back as its a bugger to get back. We bribed some GSD’s to guard the stuff we stripped out and persuaded the border collies to man the pits as they are highly organised dogs and unlikely to get side-tracked doing other stuff. Finn was chosen to be commentator and given a megaphone and in a nod to diversity a Hungarian Puli was to fire the starting pistol. We had no crash helmets – just those silly hats that hold drinks with straws going into our mouths – they had Red Bull and Vodka in them and we had racing goggles to keep the dust out of our eyes. I looked around as we lined up on the starting line – Mum Chelsea was there with her knitting friends all clacking away with their needles, Tom had got a cigar from somewhere and was puffing away a few rows back so mum didn’t see him. The PONS were dancing and the Yorkies had to sit on shoulders as they could not see, the Beardies were barking their heads off as per usual. Everyone else was poised and ready or stuffing their faces with food and drink they had brought in. Hold on – what the hell was that rolling up to the starting line? – Only Mads!!! She was in an armoured tank complete with gun mounted on the front– the whole vehicle sprayed up in the desert camouflage colours of pink, purple and beige!!!! Very very girlie. She climbed out (no easy feat) of the turret – got up on her back legs – walked round – extended each paw in turn and said beat that you lot...............Sadie sniggered – you ain’t gonna get far in that old girl – those tanks are very slow...............Oh yes I am said Mads – I have souped up the caterpillar tracks – just you watch and learn

We all lined up on the start line - The smell of the fuel was overpowering as we revved our engines, eyes determined staring ahead, and all of a sudden there was a crack from the pistol and we were off pedals to the metal or whatever we had and gunning it down to the first bend. Finn started yelling in his megaphone sounding like Murray Walker on speed – everyone expected utter utter carnage to the vehicles but we got round that first bend without hitting each other. Sadie then got well ahead unsurprisingly and flicked two claws up as she drove past us, Sam and I were alongside each other but I thought I might get ahead of him as my car was turbo charged and his wasn’t. Mads was lumbering a bit but was keeping a good speed up – Lucy disappeared in the back of the motorhome to start preparing food and as they came level with us she lobbed food out to us to keep us going....... We pitted one after the other as the race went on – I had to reiterate to the border collies that my car was a diesel and not petrol model but they just yawned, said “whatever” and “bovvered” and just got on with it. I got slightly lost in the pit lane as per normal for me and ended up going back the way I came in – until I came face to face with Saides – all lights blazing and swearing at me to get out the bleeding way – one very fast about turn and I was back on track. The race continued for a long time with all of us in various states of beating each other – Lucy was by that time buttering sarnies like a mad whirling dervish and when she wasn’t lobbing them at us she was raining all the food down on the crowds who were all fighting to get hold of them. She was trying to refill our hats as well but with little success and we all ended up sticky with the stuff all over us. Wurzel was going great guns with his Quad – at one point he and Sadie were doing wheelies to impress the crowds ....idiots. Now the end was in sight – the crowds were going mental, Finn was in danger of expiring he was so excited, there was food everywhere – airborne and on the race track , Wurzel had one paw on the Colonel Bogie Horns and the other paw waving to the crowds, Sadie was knashing her teeth determined to win, Sam and I were just happy to be there and Wills just kept his head down determined to finish even tho he and his cab were full of food, including cake – the icing made a terrible mess and drink sprayed everywhere on both sides of his windscreen. Now on the last bend, and I still don’t how we did it – we finished all at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – the flag came down and we all stopped in a flurry of dirt and fuel. Sadie insisted on seeing if there was any photographic evidence that she had come first not but we just said it was fair and square and just get over it. Mads finished on one caterpillar track and Wurzel slid to the line sideways on one wheel, got out and took a bow to the crowd – flash git but it was to be honest a normal day at the office for him. Lucy relieved herself from both orifices (sorry) all over the motorhome bathroom and then took to the bed in there muttering sossigies.............feckin feckin sossigies– she was all done in. We were carried to the podium (a load of old crates cobbled together – so nothing flash) - and sprayed champers all over each other and the crowds and then for good measure drunk a bottle each, got completly and utterly bladdered, didn’t give a monkeys about any prizes at that point and had to be helped down at the end. There was not any of that fancy weighing in at the finish of the race nor putting on of fancy advertising watches and certainly no poncy interviews – we just flaked out and took the glory. Our vehicles were parked up for the crowds to admire but we left some other GSD’s guarding them in case anything else was pinched off them. It were a right good race as they say and everyone enjoyed themselves. Mum Chelsea and her cronies had long since given up on the knitting and she was grinning from ear to ear doing some weird dance, Tom still puffing away was as pleased as punch and gave me a big claw up and a pat on the back. That’s my boy he said - I am so very proud of you..............................................................

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maxnick
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 6:56 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Fabulous. I really don't know how you do it Shocked Laughing We will all be on the edge of our seats for the next installment Wink

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 7:07 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Lol Sue, I would be the one in the tank like Mads, I would so like to race like that in real life Laughing

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Devon-Maid
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 9:41 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Brilliant again Sue Very Happy Enjoyed reading about all their exploits Laughing

Likewise Nikki - would love to go on one of those days when you can drive all sorts of different types of vehicle Rolling Eyes

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Mac & Tali
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 12:46 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Whilst looking through an old Motorsport magazine I found an article about the lesser known stars of the glory days of formula 1.

The guest writer waxed lyrical about Colin Chapman and his ground breaking Lotus cars. They were fragile but they were light, fast, with incredible handling, still, only the very best drivers could maximize these qualities. One such rising star was able to outdrive any of the established champions and was regularly at the head of the field. Sadly, they never managed to combine full throttle with finesse, and subsequently broke every car that they drove, more often than not, taking out several of the other competitors in the process.

They never became champion, they never even became a household name, but because of them, every petrol head knows the phrase ..........







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It's good to read that she is causing the same kind of havoc at The Bridge.


And as for the Mad Dog...... well, it sounds like she hasn't changed a bit either...Twisted Evil


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Sadie and Maddie... quite literally, a match made in Heaven.
Wink Very Happy

Totally Brilliant Sue x

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Last edited by Mac & Tali on Tue Jan 27, 2015 1:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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judy g
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 5:44 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Laughing Laughing Laughing

lucyyorkie would have loved to have one of those Smart cars....just her size....

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

FAbulous, Sue - what more can I say?

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Rip Van Pauline
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 12:28 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Just brilliant xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 12:32 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Nearly missed this! Brilliant Sue Very Happy

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 6:15 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Haven't stopped laughing yet Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Sue, Georgie & Flynn, and always thinking of Mads & Dylls.

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Kentish Sue
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 7:19 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Mark - I just love that picture Mad Dog on the tank. It is just how I imagined she would look during the race. I have tears lf laughter rolling down my face everytime I look at it

It is soooo good to see a fully armoured tank too - not many people know this - is that I worked for 8 happy years (before redundancy for us all sadly) in an engineering firm that built and assembled the turrets for armoured tanks - I worked in the procurement office and every part was numbered FV .............something or other - FV stood for Fighting Vehicle. It was the most non-PC place you could ever imagine and I enjoyed the banter and rudeness thrown at me on a daily basis - I loved it - not many women would put up with that................

The day I was loaded into the one fully assembled tank we kept on site for demos was so funny - I had an experienced soldier drive us round the company carpark - I thought he might take out all the "suits" posh company cars on the way round but of course that would never happen.lol.

Keep the funnies coming Mark or anyone else - they are funnier than my description of the race

sue xxx

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 12:02 am Reply with quoteBack to top

A fantastic read Sue. Love the portrayal of Finn and Wurzel

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 12:03 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Just brilliant Sue!!!!! Very Happy Laughing Laughing

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 6:14 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

judy g wrote:
Laughing Laughing Laughing

lucyyorkie would have loved to have one of those Smart cars....just her size....



The best thing about "The Bridge" is that you get to play with the best toys Shocked Very Happy Very Happy

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 8:04 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

WHOA - THAT is what she's talking about.....and with a headset so she can scream her worstest words and have them played over a loudspeaker, echoing all over the area......

veryhappylucyyorkie Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

Is that a hamster in the driving seat.....apart from a Killem ( chicken ) I reckon that would be one of her favourite " toys "..... Twisted Evil And while we are on the subject, she would also love to have one of my pillows so she can lick it til it is wet and ikky....without me shouting at her to stop..... Rolling Eyes

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 12:35 am Reply with quoteBack to top

YOUR WISH..........................

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:08 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Sue & Harry that is Brilliant and I'm so glad that Bentley is on his way to have so much fun with a great bunch of people. I hope Harry can show him around if he's not too busy having fun! He might even get to meet Dougal. Mind you he's been there since 1995!

Thanks for bringing a smile.xxx

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:59 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Laughing small hairy one jumping up and down in delight, clapping her ikkl paws....killem, licky-pillow, loudspeaker system AND guns.... Laughing

And look - she has been at the licky-pillow already....sigh of happiness

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 6:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Well done Sue, keep them coming Very Happy also love hearing of the other dogs we have all got to know

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 7:29 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Bloody Brilliant Sue ..been saving this up to read it and do it justice in one go …Brilliant !

Mark ..Genius Smile

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 7:46 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I am hooked.

Seriously though - I knew it would be good but what I didn't expect was the feeling that these posts have given me that our babes and rascals are still around, just hanging round in he background.

What a gift Sue, thank you.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 12:23 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Brilliant Sue Laughing and love the pics Mark Laughing
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 8:09 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Mac & Tali wrote:


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Now THAT is a real racing car; beautiful

and, when the day comes, I want one of the others to go shopping, won't have any trouble kerb parking then. Laughing

Bit late catching up; have to ration myself, but so worth the wait.

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